ReDneck BRooM hA-Ha

Dear Mrs. Curmudgeon,
Since dis heer elektion, I am reel skeered that the gays is gunna ruin dis heer kountry. When I turn on ma teevee all I here's bout is gay rite dis an gay rite that. Them dare queers is gunna take over and turns are kids into pidgified bone munchers. An another thing Mrs. Curmudgeon I think dat dare Obama is the anti- chirst. I heered it on da enternets dat he was. Ma cusin Myrtle told me it was on da e-male. Wat ever the hell an EMale is? Is dat one of those sisified fugde packin' things I's alwasy heres about? I am gettin reel skeered for ours future. An I's not talkin bout little skeered, i's talkin' bout a snake in yur tool belt kinda skeered. Like God must be sendin me messeges thru my tin foil beer shooter. Can you shed some lite on dis pleez Mrs. Curmugdeon?

Sinceerly,
Earl Portoplugger

P.S. Can you tell me wat a Curmudgeon iz? I thinks its one of thos dare playdoh monsteres that I saws on dat skeery show bout peeples puttin curses on da kiddies toys. Dwight sez ist one of those recipes in grannys recipee book. Kinna like a browny of someting. We kinna have dis bet. The winner has tooo shave the other on ones back hare fer a month.


Dear Mr. Portoplugger,
I can definitely see your conundrum. I cannot help in, as you say your "queers" problem. I can only assume they are here for one reason, and that is they are looking for your ripe redneck ass to plant the "bone". With all this back "hare" shaving business, I would of assumed you were happy about the arrival of "da queers". The anti Obamachrist says yes be skeered, be very skeered. He commands you to slam your pecker in your tackle box and that should save you.

P.S. Yes indeed, a curmudgeon is one of those playdoh monsters. She is buliding her playdoh fortress as we speak to shield herself from idiot rednecks who am to harm our planet with toxic beer gases.