Dec 24, 2007
Dec 17, 2007
Dec 11, 2007
Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year's gifts.
I've been thinking alot. I know scary..
It is almost Christmas.
I layed (correct my grammar here) on my ass last night just like the one before and have yet to even remotely begin to Christmas shop. Damn commercialization of the world! If I see another Gawd-damned Zales journey diamond pendant commercial I will jump thru the t.v. and strangle that bitch myself for having such an enchanted life..
Commercials either need to mimic life or life needs to mimic commercials. Either way, we won't all be disappointed when we don't get a miracle Sears-mas.
I want to see Commercials about what people really get-
* As Myrtle unwraps her AB Roller / Deep Fryer combo. The same Sponge bob P.J's George gets every year because his dumb ass mentioned that he liked watching Sponge bob.
That would make this a Christmas Miracle that this (little damned cynically being) would enjoy. Yes enjoy.. I would watch just to see they're ridiculously awkward smiles. You know the one ;)
As for me personally, I already got my gift. A ticket to Idaho to see my Gran one more time. I am most assuredly loved... :)
Dec 10, 2007
Had to make a change. Friggin' Blogger wouldn't let me sign it or check my comments. Anyhoo... I will get my shit together tomorrow and post something worth while.
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
Dec 5, 2007
I keep wondering when the heavy burden of it all will subside. With my Grandma being so incredibly sick, Macguffin having a heart attack due to stressing out so much about all of us, my daughter who acted like a complete bitch and fought with him after he got out of the hospital, and my boss who is in my book a complete and udder asshole for screaming in my face, I think I might just sign up for the peace corps.
to be cont..
Nov 17, 2007
It's been a little hectic, but ok. Grandma seems to be doing as well as she can. Today we cleaned her house and cooked for them. Grandpa even got into the act and vacuumed and dusted. Of all the damn times not to have my camera! She is really weak but perked up a bit when we sat around after dinner and exchanged funny stories about riding the amtrak. It was so nice to see her smile.
Aaaah... we LOL-ed.
Too bad when I LOL, I pee :(
Gawd-damned irrectile bladder constipation syndrome.
Being in her house still gives me that warm fuzzy feeling that if you're fortunate to have had a good Grandma, you still feel like a child. Standing in the kitchen doing the dishes, I had a view of the back yard where I played in the sprinker, swung on the willow and rescued wayward garden snakes. So, I was a weirdo. Don't judge me..
The side area where I made mad mud pies and riding Grandpa's bike all over the neighborhood. (Ask me if I didn't hurt my pootie poo on that bike a few times)
The canal I wasn't supposed to play in and the way she overlooked it anyways. Never in my life have I mourned my childhood as I do right now. If only the time machine built out of a box Grandpa brought me could transport me back to live it again, if only for a brief moment..
Nov 13, 2007
i will be flying out in the morning to be with my Grandma. those suspicious nodules turned out to be hundreds of tumors filling her lungs. they gave her just a short amount of time left.
she is Gran, my constant, and my friend. she never forgot me even when everybody else did. i know this will be our last visit...
i'll keep ya posted.
Nov 5, 2007
Oct 31, 2007
Oct 26, 2007
Oct 23, 2007
The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. ~George F. Will, The Leveling Win
I found out last night that my Grandmother, whom I am very close too has some suspicious nodules on her lungs. I am praying for the best but bracing for the worst. All I can do right now is wait..
It doesn't hurt to be optimistic. You can always cry later. ~Lucimar Santos de Lima
Oct 19, 2007
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Oct 17, 2007
Oct 15, 2007
Saturday in bed again. All day. Fingers swollen, body aching, down and out lupus stuff. Feeling sorry for myself. Almost went the whole day without smoking though. Then I realized I hadn't smoked all day and had to run outside to remedy it. Same for food. I won't be a bit hungry and then I realize there is cake and I have to run to the kitchen to remedy that too. Ain't OCD a bitch? It's like I can't shake it out of my mind until I eat or smoke. Then the guilt sets in. And around and round we go. Merry-go-round emotions.. You can give Mac your condolences here.
Sunday- I can't stop moving. Now it's time to catch up on all the crap I didn't do on Saturday. I finally got all my really summery shit out of my closet and boxed and hang up all my new purchases. Another lovely side effect of bi-polar. Spending money. Anyhoo.. Mac even remarked that he had forgotten what my couch looked like.
I then made chocolate mousse from scratch, banana bread and a pesto pasta dish I concocted. Gotten fatten them all up for the slaughter.
Oops. i said that out loud. I just keep telling the kids that the alter is for all Mommies pretties. They aren't entirely convinced daggers and cauldrons are pretty though.
So that's about the pace with me. Dead to the world or shimming around like a caffeinated ferret.
Peace to ya Mother's.
Oct 12, 2007
I will get around to reading all your wonderful blogs REAL soon!
AND... Happy Happy HAPPY Birthday to Pookie
and Buckaroo Banzai!
You guys ROCK...Love you crazy kids!
Oct 10, 2007
Oct 8, 2007
Well let's just say it was humbling weekend. I learned alot about my role as a parent and teacher. I feel as if I've failed and therefore set in motion actions that never should have occurred. This is how the story goes-
Thursday afternoon. My son and his friend Jacob skate down to an apartment belonging to another little boy at their school. The rumor is, the boy and his friend were being the heavies of another boy who got beat up by the boy in the apartment. Idiots retaliate.
So, they skate over to these apartments and knock on the door. The boy answers and let's Jacob in, but not my son. Apparently they taunt him to the point that he beats on the door with his skateboard causing the actual door the split and then he breaks the kitchen window and enters the apartment.
Can you say Breaking and Entering?!
Then he fights the boy in the apartment. They slug it out awhile and then he and Jacob take of skating with the parents cigars to smoke. The best part is I get to pay all the damages..
Where did I go wrong? My son has always been such a mild mannered and caring little boy. This caught me so off guard I don't know what to think. I know kids are mischievous but WTF! The punishment I hope will last with him for years, but I doubt it. Besides being our little slave and loosing all modern privileges I think some public humiliation might be in order.
I like to break into
peoples houses because
I want to go to the penitentiary
Just imagine holding that sign on the busiest corner in town. Too harsh? I really don't think so..
Oct 4, 2007
So, I went to the book store, bought the cards etc.. The really medieval ones that even the most seasoned pagan couldn't read. The antiquated language leaves me..well feeling stupid to say the least. I think I am doing so good. I seem to be
5 0f Wands Definition- Petty arguements between groups of people. A sham of a fight. A squabble. Yet of course many different cards have many different meanings.
*Ok so, I either hope groups of people fight, or I fear a sham squabble.*
Oh.Em.Eff.BeGeeNess.. I suck at this. What kind of Pagan am I? Definetly the kind that won't get invited to the next Hot Wicca Mama's Bake Sale, I can assure you.
Too top it off, the 10th card meant to represent the final results (Sum total of all other cards) is the Fool.
The Fool Definition- Innocence, Blinded by ignorance, the novice.
*Well no shit Sherlock. I wouldn't have bought the damn book if I thought I could master this today. So apparently this is some big cosmic ha- ha. Lesson learned.
Or Not. I'm already shopping for my next deck of cards. The really pretty ones. And the Idiot's Guide.
Oct 3, 2007
Oct 1, 2007
Sorry guys if my posts have been sporatic and lacking any real reason. I've had this
I can't fucking breathe chest cold. I sit here looking at the computer and absolutely nothing comes to me. I'll spare you the details of hacking up my left lung or what color it was, and just say I am here in spirit.
In other news, apparently the Filipinos can use their cell phones as virtual wallets. If a phone were to replace my purse right now, it would weigh 50lbs. God knows I might need that $30.00 in change I carry in the bottom. What if I found myself in a really expensive pay toilet or
pay a hooker I decided to ride the bus. Is that fancy shmancy little phone gonna pay a taxi driver? I think not. I'm not sure I trust this technology enough to give it my money. With my luck I would accidently text my money to Aljazeer.net and get arrested for siding with terrorists. No thank you. I take alot of comfort knowing I could live out of my purse for several days. My phone and I, well we're just not that close yet.
Sep 28, 2007
Sep 26, 2007
It's almost Halloween again!! Time to break out the cobwebs and Mr. Bones, my handy dandy skeletal man.
Muahahaha.. (diabolical laughter)
I have always loved this holiday! I can literally scare the piss out of little children and not get in trouble. How could it get any better? Of course our house becomes very macabre during this time of year. I go batshit overboard with it until the neighbors start eyeballing us as "those satan worshipers". Maybe it's because our next door neighbor is the only other family who decorates for the holiday, (if an inflatable the Winnie the Pooh holding a pumpkin counts as "decorating").
Does making little children cry make me feel exilerated?
It's even funner than stealing their candy or stepping on their untied shoe laces.
..Of course I'll babysit your kids ;o
Sep 25, 2007
"It's that time of year to take your Annual Senior Citizen test."
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these???
If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack-dab in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany . "Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"?
Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop NOW! If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales... In London , 17 people get on the bus; In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on... In Swindon, two people get off and four get on... In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on... In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on... In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on... You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: "Oh, for crying out loud!"
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions
Sep 21, 2007
Sep 19, 2007
Another installment of the weirdness that is my dreams. This one was so surreal, I put it into a poem of sorts. Really the only way i could translate it.
Ab Inito Ad Fundum
(From the Beginning to the End)
She comes to me softly
I no longer tremble
The light dances in pools
of irradecent shades
reflecting in her guileless eyes
Unlike any other
The eyes of angels
only seen by chosen ones
She bends to lay her hand
upon a wayward butterfly
whose wings dangle stolidly
She breaths new life
her mere touch
There to mend all wounds
She is there in battle
Easing the suffering in fallen soldiers
The battle between two worlds
of good and evil
fought tirelessly beyondour realm
You never forget those eyes..
At once you step inside
inside her warmth
The light is overwhelming
She is nirvana
I no longer hear clashing of swords
I am safe
Her blanket envelopes you
I melt in oblivion
Alas, you cannot stay here she says
You must finish your task
Do not grow weary
The end draws near precious one
The horseman will carry you home
when your time is done
I am returned to my place
on the field
the unwordly plain
The sword pierces my heart
the cold draws in
I hear them..
Don't be afraid she whispers softly
a caelo usque ad centrum
from the sky to the center..
you have fought well
you have fought well..
Sep 17, 2007
stiffled by time
stiffled at birth
lost in transit
stumbling into oblivion
dug from the ruins
of empty bottles
and the bottom of that fifth
mind numbing drugs
the glamorous end
towards loosing another tomorrow
it looms there
three more taps on the snooze
the clock escapes
through newly opened windows
find it there
on the lawn
purposely placed amongst greenery vines
wrapped around the hearts of
the darker ones
black is the shade
at the end of the tunnel
forgot to refill those bottles again
because they hold nothing for me.
empty like the head
of those who write this account
or hidden by children
whilest we doze peacefully there
the time has come
to chose another way
stop being the reason they stay away
the bad example
what was once stiffled
confused by life
is taking back
our place amongst the living
Sep 14, 2007
Snagged from the lovely Ellen Aim. So true, so true..
|The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy|
In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.
You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum.
Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho
Sep 13, 2007
Yep. Ginormous turkey legs, funnel cakes and Carnies! How flippin' sweet does it sound?
I can stuff myself to maximum density, buy a new Texas sized belt buckle and pet inbred goats. Sounds like a fun filled evening to me. It takes very little to entertain me really.
Did I mention that I also can spend $50.00 on improperly sewn teddybears? I can barely contain the excitement. I haven't felt this way since I stepped on my own toe with spiked heals.
As pathetic as all this is, I figure hey, at least it's something to get out of my couch loving, potato chip eating rut I fondly call life. Nothing like tripping through crowds of morbidly obese budweiser fans and mowing over small children to get on the Barney rollercoaster first to get the blood pumping through these hardened arteries.
Who knows, next week I might actually take my also morbidly obese pooches on a walk.
I said maybe..
Sep 12, 2007
Been bit busy lately. You know with work and all. Apparently I have
fucked off too much haven't been as diligent as I should have. Now, I actually have to do something.
OOOhh Poopy :(
This is my new walking about outfit. I think it might be an appropriate dinner outfit when we take the kiddies to Red Lobster..
Just kidding.. It's just the lovely Britney showing her ass yet again.
Sep 10, 2007
Land of pumpjacks, drilling rigs and Permian Football, rednecks, Dubya and This.
Oh we should be so proud. I wake each and every morning with glee in my heart and a hop in my step with the certain knowledge, everyone in the U.S.A. thinks we are all inbred mutant baboons. Although I am sure there are a fair share of those lacking certain chromosomes, I am embarrassed that the only stories that make the news are wife beaters who shoot cops and the permian
douchbags panthers won friday night football.
There are a few of us who actually lead lives that don't revolve around the machismo that is this God forsaken town. Unfortunatly we're few and far between, so making conversation in hellish Walmart lines can be a tad tedious. I have learned that there are people who can kill me by "throwing fingers at my heart", retarded individuals who have won millions in high stakes poker in Vegas, and little old ladies who's husbands like them to dance naked..
I am apparently either a weirdo magnet or the mass majority of our population here is completely insane. Either isn't a real comforting thought...
Sep 5, 2007
I'm here, just had a molar extracted and it seems the infection is in my jaw. So, the standard course of anti- biotics and all that jazz is in order..
Just to let you know, I'm not ignoring you all. I will catch up with reading all the blogs asap.
Thank you all so friggin much for the encouraging words. You guys ROCK!!
Sep 3, 2007
If the posts have been strange, I am sorry. My writing inspiration was sucked out my by the newest round of drugs to control the only thing i know all too well.
My Psychosis. Yep, I said it aloud.
The little voices within that spring creative.
The doc thinks it's a bad thing.
Here's some pills.
Take these and call me in the morning.
He doesn't understand that when he stiffles the inside noise, also he stiffles a big part of me.
The part that dreams in poetry, laughs too loud at it's own self and makes sense to the one person who conceives it.
I am very private about this fact, but tonight since I can't sleep despite enough pills to tranquilize a horse, I figured hey what the hell.
It's not like I can see you pointing and laughing.
Kidding.. you all seem like decent folk.
I started blogging to find a place to open up myself.
To see if I had it in me to come out of the cocoon I shroud myself in.
There is a good reason I started the web, but it is time to stop hibernating.
I just hope to hell these are temporary side effects...
Aug 31, 2007
This is a piece of equipment we manufactured in our little corner of the oilfield. It has been a headache because for some unknown reason it refused to come together and work properly. It has been a stressful ordeal, to the point, I sleep on the job and throw up in my own lap. (Long story...)
At any rate it is done, it is gone. Good riddance Goddamned Accumulator!
It's Friday...let's party. Or if you're me, we take a nap.
Have a wonderful weekend all!! :)
Aug 30, 2007
Warning.. If you have a weak stomach, disregard this post!
Not much going on here kiddies. The soreness has gone away pretty much. My douchebag doctor finally gave me some real pain meds. If I had known all I had to do was squeeze his nuts in a vice grip, I would have done it alot sooner.
Speaking of nuts, Just for all AL I found something he would really like- Enjoy
If you liked that, then you will really Dig This
Wow, this blog has really been taking a raunchy turn for the worse.
Blame it on the Rain
Peace out my minions..
Aug 28, 2007
Aug 27, 2007
I have lost all respect I might have had for Allure Magazine when I received Sept. issue. To my dismay, they have chosen to feature the dingy Poptart herself, Ms. Britney Spears. On the cover no less…
Why does this bother me you ask? If you don’t care, too bad I will tell you anyways. Allure is like my Holy Grail for all things beautiful. Everything I have learned in life, I learned from this magazine. How to apply eyeliner to my eyebrows, when to wax my
pootie poo lip and how to lose 25 lbs. by standing on your head. Ok, I made the last one up, but you know what I mean. Then bam, out of nowhere I have to look at the teen pop princess turned twat exposer in my bible of perfume samples. This will not go unnoticed Allure Magazine. Just please don’t cancel my subscription. I am dying to find out if the fatties have lost more weight..
I was sickened to read the photographers
ass kissing praises of this one.
“In many photographs you see of her she seems to be an unwilling participant.” But she voluntarily posed for Allures September cover, shot by Michael Thompson in Santa Monica on April the 25th.
Give me a break! I have seen the girl’s twat more times than I care to admit. She seems very unwilling to wear panties is the real problem. The poor thing doesn’t get enough attention, so then she subjects us the vagina that the ate the Titanic. Come on Britney, have some self respect. At least get Larry Flynt to pay you to show off your shit.
In this photo- “I wanted to capture the free spirit Britney so I photographed her on the floor and let her do what she wanted”.
He is brave man, because she could have broke out the 12 incher and went to town and I am not talking about her handbag. “The singer chose to pose topless”, he also added.
He almost sounded surprised…
Britney of course had to add her two cents. “Everyone thinks of you as not human when you are 18 years old”. Well duh, join the rest of society. She went on, and this was the clencher-“I just want to be a normal girl” (what like Springer material, because your doing a bang up job) “I don’t want to be a role model, except maybe to my little sister”. Ok look you stupid cunt, you ARE a role model because you are famous for singing really bad songs that appeal to 12 year olds. And you ARE a role model because you choose to do outrageous acts of sheer idiocracy in public with your other slutty friends. And for Bejebuses sake, you ARE a role for your children. Won’t they get a pleasant surprise when they get old enough to archive their mother’s photos and get more than they bargained for. Grow the fuck up you stupid, stupid redneck trash. And that’s all I have to say about that. I have to work now. I have a real job!
Aug 23, 2007
With a little P-C-T yesterday. I called Larry up myself and told him I didn't appreciate the manner in which he spoke to me and if he needed to verify anything he needed to speak to the owner of the company and not one of my peers. I explained that he had no right doing that and if it happened again I would go to the head of the back and have a little conversation about the lacky's he is employing.
Poor guy couldn't back peddle fast enough.
I am expecting my fruit basket shortly.
Aug 21, 2007
Find out what it means to me
A little respect.....
This is what I didn't get from the Vice Dickhead at our company bank. I have been dealing with all the finances for 5 years now. I have dealt with him on a regular basis all this time and now the asshole calls the office manager who is my sister- in- law and also the owner's daughter. I am the just the daughter- in -law of the owner so I don't rate.
ANYHOO... This douche calls this morning because he didn't think my paycheck was legitimate. I answered the phone and... this is what I got-
Larry(dickhead)- Put Tammy on the phone.
Me- She is on the other line, can I help you?
Larry-I doubt it.
Larry- It is a private matter about the checks.
Me- Well I am the financial manager, I can help you.
(You see folks, I am the ONLY one who can access our bank information on line.)
Larry- Just put Tammy on the line
Me- Whatever Larry- (yes,I have an attitude) Macguffin knows this well :)
So after the conversation, I find out it was my checks in question. As if I haven't ever received a check here before. As if the same fucking checks haven't come through their system for 6 damn years!!!! That is 52 fucking checks a year!
So NOW apparently I steal the money.
Fuck a bunch of him...
I want to shove a q-tip in his eye.
Aug 20, 2007
Aug 16, 2007
Pauline has bestowed on me this fantastic award! I can't express how super sweet and smart this lady is. She is a real gem in the blogging world.. Thank you so much! :}
These are my pics for this award. The true talent and where I draw constant inspiration-
1. Al- He always has something clever to allow and never fails to add a new perspective to the comment box. Or maybe I am jealous because he can walk up mountains for 12 hours and my only skill is cultivating my booger farm.
2. Pookie- She is "Out of Pocket Currently" but will be back soon I hope. She is definetly an ispiration. I can only say that this lady is a true joy to know. I lub her toooo much!
3. Etain- Through all her struggles she tries so hard. If she gets knocked down, she comes right back again! Tough little cake monkey this one is! :)
4. Silverneurotic- Her life is crazy, but she never fails to amuse me. A very sweet lady indeed.
5. Big Pissy- Always a new adventure with her. The busiest beaver of them all. I am inspired by her weight loss (bitch), and her fabulous good looks. (Trout) A truly gifted lady!! :)
Aug 15, 2007
Aug 14, 2007
This is my newest bruise. The picture is grainy because I took it on my cell phone. I didn't want to give you too much detail..
Anyhoo... I got this from a hip adjustment yesterday. My hip actually does feel alot better, but this spot hurts like hell! I am not here to whine, I just am amazed that with today's modern medicine that practices like this are still used. I just wish there were an easier way.
In 1895 Daniel David Palmer began using chiropractic procedures to relieve patients ailments. Although these practices often work, it can still be an uphill battle to feel better.
Sometimes, I just wonder if I am wasting my time and money to ease the symptoms of a much larger problem that cannot be fixed.
I am beginning to feel like a Guinea Pig. I would like to ask you all how you feel about Chiropractors, since there has been so much debate about mine.
It seems brutal, but I have received a little relief and he is widely known in being able to treat patients without surgery, which I feel is a really good thing.