Mar 14, 2010

The G word evokes the F bomb

So folks it appears yours truly will be a grandma is 71/2 or so months...

Hmm.. Me?
After the shock and a couple bottles of vodka I am starting to make peace with this. Even feel that twinge of excitement. It is also the the same twinge that makes me feel old in foul swoop. How does this transition come without the big climax (mine not hers. We're not talking about that one.. Eww) but that of such a huge life changing event that happens quietly and swiftly but hits you so hard you would think you had just been donkey punched by Juan Valdez. That moment in which you realize that the days of your youth have been passed on to the next. Like the torch of madness that is motherhood and your days of sugaring the little shit up until it's being peeled off the ceiling have JUST begun.. Paybacks a bitch missy ;D

Yeah pretty cool..
But scaary as hell.

Mar 5, 2010

Joose Blues

Has anyone heard of this shit? In my personal opinion it should be banned. My little story starts out like this....

Last night my 18 year old daughter came home after drinking some of these. I was almost asleep on the couch when I heard her yelling "Springer" style at her fiance. So..

I get up to see what all the racket is about and she can barely stand up. Her fiance' Hunter is trying to make his escape for the night but she goes to swinging, yelling and pulling his hair. He hugs me and apologizes profusely because apparently he knows what this crap does to her.

In my mom way I tell her to calm down, but that just infuriated her to the point she attacks me. (Mind you she is quit a bit bigger than my little scrawny ass). I guess that pissed me off because before I knew it I had her down and punched her. I am not a violent person. I hate it with a passion..

She managed to get a hold of my hair and it took me and my 14 yr old son 20 minutes to get her hands off. I still have the knot to prove it. Every time I would let her up she attacked again. Finally my son called her fiance' to come help. We all had to hold her until finally out of desperation we tied her hands and feet together. Sounds cruel, but she was hallucinating and calling out to people that weren't even here.

Now if this stuff can provoke people to blackout violence, Do you think it's safe?!!

I don't think so..

Even the FDA has threatened to ban it

Something has to be done about this. If you literally have to restrain someone after they drink it then somethings very wrong. She has no memory about last nights events.

I am going to post a couple of videos of the event, (she's yelling at me) and it is graphic so beware. This will clearly illustrate why it is so dangerous. We need to get this off the shelves for the safety of our children who have made it very popular.

Mar 4, 2010

Who quits their job in this economy?


I am in a place I havent been in quite awhile. If stress at your job becomes so big and your paychecks bounce I guess it's time to move on. But where? Now I begin this fantastic voyage that is job hunting. EH..
But what am I doing currently? Blogging.
Somehow I seem to be lost and don't know where to start. I feel like I just walked into a hoarders house and have been told to clean it.

Which by the way.. I have.
My 18 year old just moved herself, her boyfriend and they're 3 dogs and a bird right back home with Mama.
Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

These people are complete pigs and have managed to move their filth into the land of OCD. Overwhelmed does not describe it..
Why did I let this happen??

Cuz I'm Stoopid

Mar 1, 2010

Day One NYC or why You could get killed riding a train to Brooklyn

We started our journey at the famous Waldorf Astoria. While it is a beautiful place save your money because nothing cheap in this joint. The room was nice but it looked directly at another row of windows so seemed very Rear Windowish.. Thank God for binoculars!

The part that got our goat so to speak was " The Continental Breakfast"...
First off some asian guy said " You sit here" in that oh soo Manhattan tone of get out of here you redneck piece of swine. "The Breakfast" consisted of random muffins, pastries, cheese and fruit. Nothing spectacular.. You know regular shit. We were self pleased and sastiated with their offerings until the bill came...

$89.00 Motherf*^ing dollars. Welcome to the Waldorf you texan retards. Enjoy your soon to be poverty..
<----- This now what I think of the Waldork Astoria Extortionist Pigs. Hope I clogged your plumbing.

We then wandered Central park which is heaven in the middle of chaos. The views are simply breathtaking and until you see it with your own eyes you cannot understand the magic that it is. For once I was pretty speechless. For a moment.

I found the New York Public Library across the way and had to have a look. The arcitecture alone draws me in like a pee brained moth to the flame. I was not disappointed. The attention paid to every detail was simply amazing. They certainly do not care about craftsmanship anymore. It was then I started to understand the magnitude of this city.

Deciding we were really hot shit here we decided to brave the subway system. This is why tourists get killed in Harlem. We hoped on what we thought was the train to Coney Island. The farther we got on it we realized the error of our ways. The crowd got rougher and rougher looking until finally we were the looking like a couple of white targets. When the looks start looking at your cameras and purses, the sweats set in. At Euclid ave, in central Brooklyn we got off the sub and turned our happy asses around and headed back uptown. Which turns out to really look safe after surviving the Euclid Deathtrap. Were's my fuggin' t-shirt?

Almost dying built a substantial hunger so we found a great spot for Bar B-Que called Dave Brown's Steak House. They have a sauce called Devils Brew. It was not an exaggeration, but extremely worthy of suffering the fall out that comes they next time you use the can..

Central Park Views

Feb 21, 2010

New York City bound..

By this time tomorrow folks we will be in the Big Apple!! That's New York fucking City!
This has been a dream that I never thought would happen in a million years. Not only am I going to experience all the sites, sounds, and smells( awe the smells) but I get to see it with the one person who makes me feel like I am worth seeing it with. I can't say enough about the boy.. What I can say is Remarkable. The one person who embodies all the qualities I thought could never be combined into one being indeed does exist and he is mine. Thank you for being you and loving me. Though the past has been filled with turmoil and pain, you were walking it too hand in hand on a different plane. I owe you my existence..

Feb 18, 2010

I've abandoned the one thing I...

Loved so much, SO I'm Baaaaack! Suck it

I have a whole new life, same attitude and I am gonna take the world by the balls and make it surcome to my twisted ways!