Mar 30, 2007

Stupid Vagina Carrier

This one might got to jail for 90 days for driving with a suspended license. Ha ha... stupid bitch.
Can anyone out there tell me why she is famous? I don't get it....

Ok wait, I just got this in......

ahahahaha..Gotcha... ;D

Mar 28, 2007

Mar 27, 2007

Hi, I am a big fat loser...

Well folks, I had a genuinely entertaining night. Those who know me, know that Daveyyo's parents own a machine shop, so I work in the family biz. We manufacture various oilfield related equipment. About 5 last night as I was getting ready to head home, Daveyyo's dad comes in the office and asks me if I would like to accompany him to Hobbs N.M. to deliver some parts.This is about an hour long drive or 45 minutes if the bossman drives. Of course this means going also to the casino and flush my money down the commode. It probably comes in more handy as toilet paper on the reservation anyways.The problem is- J is half blind, a diabetic with sugar denial issues (he denies he eats it)and can't drive for shit.He is one of those wait until you can see a pimple on the back of someones neck before you slow down. As we come to a very abrupt stop, I hear the metal hitch on the trailer moan and creak in heavy steel distress. I think I still have truck seat clenched in between my butt cheeks.

And I gave the poker machine 200 bucks and it didn't even blow me.

Mar 26, 2007

More adventures with the Fishing Nazi

I remember this time that my dad took my daughter and I to the lake(Roosevelt). I agreed to go, even though my dad is the Fishing Nazi, and there were zero showers or bathrooms. I am figuring hey, I can manage a couple of days. Oh no.... We stayed for 9 days!! And, my Boo was only 9 months at the time. I think he really enjoys seeing my suffer. Well anyways during this particular trip, Boo managed to almost grab a Gila Monster, ran out of diapers (she was free pooping) and wore a dish towel when i could wash it, fell out of the truck window(wasn't moving, hey I am not THAT negectful), and consumed about 5 pounds of live minnows (she wouldn't stay out of the bucket).She looked like the worst case welfare baby I had ever seen.We smelled like trout, and I couldn't move any extremity I had due to the second degree burns. We lived off the land, which meant a consistent diet of bass and potatoes. Every single meal....
I laugh to myself now, but at times I wonder how that man managed to rear up two (relatively) normal people. Stop laughing... I have moments of clarity.
I don't know why I thought of this this morning, but I did. Now you are stuck with these images. Enjoy ;)

Mar 23, 2007

Aarvarks are handy

This post is a more personal one. I don't usually like to talk about things that bother me. I am a bottler. Ok I said it, but what is bunching ma drawers today (and most others) is my EX- best friend. This bitch has me seeing red to the homicidal degree. Why you ask? Because she is a lazy, no good sack of skin. Well the skin might be ok, but what is in it is useless. Harsh , I know.... I usually don't hold grudges at all. I think this is a world record for me.

Let me take you to the beginning-

June 2, 1991 we meet. Hit it off famously. I am a scared pregnant 16 year old(just married, and no I am not from the ozarks. ) She was 20 and also pregnant so we had alot in common. We were inseparable. We both had girls, shared similar experiences yada, yada... Even accused of being of lesbian persuasion from time to time(not the case). She was single, strong and independant. She took care of her retarded mother (not a joke) and a brother in a wheel chair. She was the general manger at a restaraunt.She was tough as nails and helped me out alot back then. I admired her alot. She went along just fine then she got pregnant again. I was going through a divorce so we decided to room together. It all changed at that moment....

Suddenly, I am taking care of everyone, including random men she brought home and stray puppies. She didn't pay any bills, clean the house,bathe her child, nothing... I put up with it for about 6 months and then I bailed. She moved back with mom to live off her $4.25 an hr. and we just acted like it never happened. She moved on to get married to a loser (whom was very apparent to everyone but her) and then it really got bad. Everytime I turned around, she was begging for money, and crying on my shoulder about how douchebag lied to her all the time. Like it was some big surprise. Every SINGLE conversation(everyday) turned into this crying fit and negative agenda. I put up with it for YEARS. She ran through a very substancial inheritence(Her dad's 30 year 401-k) in 6 months. Paid no bills, bought nothing to show for it and resumed begging for money again and crying about her life while she did nothing but sit in bed and eat zingers. I would get furious and tell her to get off the pity pot before she fell in. She fell in.....

The last year has been really bad. She got approved for disability because she got some doc to say she was crazy in the head. It is really just her laziness.(Later I will post about her house keeping skills. TOO long for this post) She wants to sit on her ass and get paid. Whammo presto she did it. I recently quit participating in her life completely because she let her daughter drop out of school because she had some 17 year old boyfriend she couldn't be away from for 2 seconds. Lazy bitch just got tired of taking her daughter to school. The younger one is flunking first grade(round 2) because she can't be bothered to take him to school either (3 blocks away) If he won't get dressed, she just goes gives up. She refuses to make either one of her kids go to school. It is just too much hassle. However there are laws forbiding this and now she has a $5oo.oo fine. But her is the best part!!! She is hitting up a 15 year boy who's parents have a little money to pay it. The best part is, the daughter will pay him back.... if ya know what I am talking about ;O

Sooo... I am done. This post cannot even convey how tedious this friendship has been. I literally could write a book on this bitch. I just hope I have mad it somewhat translucent as to what I am ranting about. I don't know what to do anymore to help her. I feel I have enabled her more than help. I always came through with money and support. Sometimes it isn't the right way to help people I guess.

If you have made it this far her is something for you to look at-

Mar 20, 2007

This post is just for sKinny. Ha!! Take that visual cortex. Who sucks now??

Mar 13, 2007

Raccoon Dog Fur

When I read this report, My jaw dropped. How can this be?
January 17. The Humane Society reached out to and asked us to put Jay Z and RocaWear On Blast! for selling jackets made from dog fur. Here is what they had to say:
Another music-to-fashion crossover artist - this time Shawn "Jay-Z" Carter, who famously rapped that he had "99 problems" - was revealed to be selling fur from a type of dog, but the fur was described as "faux." The [Humane Society] purchased a "faux fur" jacket from Jay-Z's Rocawear website, and sent it for lab testing to find out exactly what animal the fur really belonged to. The test showed that the fur was taken from raccoon dogs - a type of dog raised for fur in China. Just weeks ago, hip-hop mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs and Macy's department store pulled a Sean John brand jacket that was being advertised as faux fur, after tests commissioned by The [Humane Society] revealed the fur was actually from raccoon dogs. Diddy announced that this particular coat would be trimmed only with faux fur in the future. Jay-Z's "faux fur" - advertised coat had no fur labeling on the jacket, so consumers have no way to know that what they think is faux is actually from raccoon dogs, who may have been skinned alive.Below is a
photo of the jacket along with a picture of a racoon dog.

Major department stores where also cited in this claim. Among those were Barney's, Neiman Marcus, Dillard's, and J.C. Penney's. The raccoon dog looks like a raccoon, but is indeed part of the canine family in Asia. These animals are skinned alive and kept in cages that are excedingly too small. What kind of sick world is this, I would like to know. Sheez... (Shakes naughty finger at computer) . Absolutetly appalling. I'm out.

Mar 9, 2007

woohooo... it's friday and I am going the f*^ck home. see ya
Laney`s Original Inkblot Test

Outcome C - The Scientist.

Based on the descriptions you chose, you have quite a unique mind. You are creative, introverted, and find it hard to meet new people. You are constantly looking for new methods and ideas, and find excitement in learning.

My current fears

I think I have the strangest fears when I actually give it any thought. I don't fear bugs, snakes, etc... Just random weird shit.

This is my list-

*Knocking on doors

*Entering a room with a closed door


*Turning my back to a mirror

*Pictures of frogs

*Changing my routine in ANY way. (I am anxious about something really bad happening all day if I even put my makeup on out of order)

*Looking under the bed

*Sleeping with my feet out of the covers

*Canned biscuits


*Convienence stores

*Sleeping without my t.v. on

*Sea eels. I never go to the ocean, they can't hurt me, but they haunt my dreams.

So... Let me know if you guys have any random weird fears so I don't feel so alone.

Mar 7, 2007


Ok so... There is some debate in my household of the existence of ghosts and such. Of course there is great speculation as to if they do indeed exist or I am out of my mutha friggin head, which is a great possibility. I believe we have a friend in our house. After scrying for him (with some help from daughter and friends) we have found that it was male, 84 years at his death and is drawn to our house. He resides mainly in the master bedroom and likes to keep me up at night. He bangs on the walls and occasionally on the side of my bed, but last night I saw him. No seriously.... For a brief second he appeared to me. Right in front of my face. I just about shit.. It was such a quick encounter that it is hard to describe. Just a soft translucent face, but not really old looking. So my post today is really more of a poll to see how many of you think I am crazy or do you believe in such phenominon??
The above picture is not mine, just an example. I however am on a mission to get some pictures of my own.

Mar 2, 2007

Ode to my Commode

oh commode you fail me again.
i tried to flush you and you grin.
for i will not flush today you say.
i want to spew poo on your rug today.

oh please, oh please comode i beg.
the plunging again i cannot stand.
glurp, says my commode in defiance.
urrgh...says i as stomp away. (clean version)

so now the days turn to weeks.
my commode and i barely converse.
i cast evil glances in it's direction.
it avoids my glaring reflection.

our love abides here no longer.
no more of your gurgling banter.
our plumber has plucked you out.
and now you are a planter.