Well let's just say it was humbling weekend. I learned alot about my role as a parent and teacher. I feel as if I've failed and therefore set in motion actions that never should have occurred. This is how the story goes-
Thursday afternoon. My son and his friend Jacob skate down to an apartment belonging to another little boy at their school. The rumor is, the boy and his friend were being the heavies of another boy who got beat up by the boy in the apartment. Idiots retaliate.
So, they skate over to these apartments and knock on the door. The boy answers and let's Jacob in, but not my son. Apparently they taunt him to the point that he beats on the door with his skateboard causing the actual door the split and then he breaks the kitchen window and enters the apartment.
Can you say Breaking and Entering?!
Then he fights the boy in the apartment. They slug it out awhile and then he and Jacob take of skating with the parents cigars to smoke. The best part is I get to pay all the damages..
Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.
Where did I go wrong? My son has always been such a mild mannered and caring little boy. This caught me so off guard I don't know what to think. I know kids are mischievous but WTF! The punishment I hope will last with him for years, but I doubt it. Besides being our little slave and loosing all modern privileges I think some public humiliation might be in order.
I like to break into
peoples houses because
I want to go to the penitentiary
Just imagine holding that sign on the busiest corner in town. Too harsh? I really don't think so..
Ideas anyone?
Oct 8, 2007
Does hobbling count as child abuse?
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14 comments:
I think the sign is a great idea.
The Arkansas State Pen used to give tours to kids who got into trouble. It was a real eye opener to some of us ... er .. I mean, some kids. LOL
wow, this really sucks.
How much do you know about his friend? sometimes kids pair off with bad influences and they start getting in trouble.
I sympathize with your situation.
tc
Honey, take it from one who knows...nip that shit in the bud NOW!!!!
No punishment is too harsh.
You'll be glad you did it when he becomes a productive member of society.
p.s. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.... :(
Everything they said.
He'll have to learn consequences, along with the compasion to not really want to hurt people, but just act like you might if someone was to get out of hand.
Let him know everytime he complains about being grounded that he decided this shit, not you or anyone else. Your doing what's normal.
Other than that, the financial crap always sucks, too. You have to nip it in the bud if your the one footing the bill.
Scared Straight.
That's the way to go. ;)
Mmh. He needs a suitable punishment. When I was young the fear of letting my parents down (well my Mum and Gran who brought me up after my Dad left) was so overpowering, that I rarely did much wrong.
Sure I hung out with kids who drunk, smoked this n that, but usually saw them for the bad crowd that they were.
Think back to your younger days and if you had been taunted by your peers - you'd have no doubt kicked up a fuss and banged the bollocks out of the door too without a thought as to the consequences? So he's not entirely to blame in my book.
Here's my two cents: Make sure to be consistent. Make him serve out the entire length of whatever punishment you give him. I got into lots of trouble when I was his age and it only took me 20 years to grow out of it. Well not exactly that long. ;)
Al, he beat a door with his skateboard, not his fists and then broke a window before he climbed through it. Then he beat the boy living there up. This is the kind of stuff were he a little older could land him in serious trouble with the law. It's called Breaking and Entering and Assault in the States.
holy shit!
It doesn't mean you've failed. He needs to learn that he's responsible for his actions, and he's not going to if you take responsibility for it. Listen to me, sounding like I know what I'm talking about. My oldest kid is 8. I'm just trying to keep him from picking his nose in public.
thank you all for your kind words. nothing really prepares you for what your children might do. i've really been taking it hard because he was always such a good kid. and then bam.. pre- teen hell. as parents we all know that raising them to be upstanding citizens is the hardest job we will ever have. macguffin and i are learnig the lesson. from now on i can't take my eyes off him and play 007 wherever he goes.
thanks again.
Yeah, Blanco and MacGuffin, I didn't think of this as a reflection on you guys. I know this stuff from growing up. I was allowed an incredible amount of leeway and freedom because my younger brother Jason was out of control, and my mom couldn't keep tabs on us both all the time, so she focused on him. Nobody taught him to do the things that he always did. And your prophecy is so correct: like my little bro, as soon as the law deems him old enough and he does something else, even at sixteen or seventeen, they'll say in court, "Looking at [your son's] past record, this is a pattern, and he will be prosecuted as an adult".
Let him know he's a kid playing at an adult game and one day, sooner than he knows, people will not let him use being 'just a boy' as an excuse. The saddest thing my mom ever told my brother was this (she had just bailed him out of shoplifting charges): "One day, you'll be put in a prison, and when that happens, I'm not ever going to visit you. I'll die before I walk into a prison to visit my own son."
His answer?
"Fuck you bitch, like I care."
She cries about it to this day, but he was eighteen when he finally did something horrendous enough (robbing the local Elias Brothers Big Boy restaurant), and she's held him to it. He's twenty nine now, and still, he writes me and my sister saying 'if mom had bought him a car, he wouldn't have had to do that'.
I wrote him back several times saying my hellos and ending with "if mom had bought you a car, you might have gotten away with it"
He has no answer to that, except to insist, like a crazy person, that his mother is to blame for him being in prison.
Aye, aye, aye...
At least you two are together. My mom had to raise us by herself. She did just fine on two out of three kids--my sister's a wacko like me, but within the bounds of most laws, also, like me. But even still, it's tough to blame dear old absent dad, even if he kinda stands out in his silence.
I'm sure you both are on it. Just wanted to say this... Teach him compassion and what it means to hurt somebody, because that is what my bro lacks, and nobody knows why, because he was loved by all who knew us. And it's not like I hogged all the compassion... He could have picked it up at the same places I did.
Don't know why, but I'll send this crazy shout through to you, maybe it will help, maybe not.
Peace out, y'all. Respect.
qodf- it just feels like failure. like i didn't teach him to be a good person. to be kind and compassionate. i'm sure it's just a phase. i hope..
eric- wow, i am floored. seems like your mom did her best. i really feel for all of you for going thru that. it's a shame to waste your life doing bad things to hurt people. some people are just like that though. they don't really care about anyone or themselves. sounds like a bit of sociopathic behavior.
Yikes, This really brings back some baaaaad memories. I was one of "those kids." My mom tried her best, but worked full time and my dad left when I was six. I was acting out and doing petty crimes all through junior high and high school. Amazingly, I rarely got caught until I was 17. I got caught breaking and entering a residence to get some money and drugs. I spent a couple of days in jail and got a long probation. My dad wasn't around much, but he came to my trial and was crying when I came out in cuffs. My dad does not cry. I will remember that scene for the rest of my life. I really think it's what scared me straight. Jail really sucks.... (duh). I'm going to venture a guess that this won't be the last time your son gets into trouble, but my mom loved me through all of my stupidity, and I turned out semi-normal. I'm sure your boy will too. If he's got half your wit, he's got a good start.
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