Childhood Gone

As I lie awake and dream
of simpler times and places.
The grass brushes my cheek
as my head tumbles over feet.
The only things we worried about
were the adventures of tomorrow.
Shall I slay the purple dragon
or find the buried treasure?

Life seemed so full of happiness.
A found pocketwatch
and shiny nickels for my bank.
Bright and colorful bedsheets reborn
as a rainbow tent for wayward fairies.
A sanctuary from the trolls
who chased us through the forest.

A smooth red pebble in my pocket
was the key to the time machine we made.
We fought the indians bravely
as little cowboys on white horses.

Many years have come to past.
Yet the memories flow still freely
through this cluttered mind.

Missing my childhood gone
and wishing I could
live it all again.

Hat!!

I am getting published! In a real Book!By the International Library of Photography! For this Picture!
I really it was bogus at first, but upon more inspection it looks to be legit. I entered it in an online poetry contest and the next thing you know I get a Congratulations letter. "Out of thousands of pictures we choose your photograph...." Yada, yada.. What the crap! Lil' Ol' Me? Ok stop Breathe.....

Ok, I am better. So, I loose some photos, and gain a publishing. I guess it all evens out in the end :)

What A Dumbass

I admit it freely, but this weekend I really did a boneheaded thing. I erased most of my pictures..!!

Let me take you back. When I first bought the Nikon, I was using the Picture Project they sent with the camera. It automatically saved the pictures within the program itself. Then I purchased the Microsoft Picture Suite. Little did I know it was saving the pictures to the computer and pulling them up from there as I edited them. It never actually saved them to it's "program per se".
It also pulled all my existing photos of the Picture Project and rendered them useless. The new program won't let me edit, print or transfer any of those without my camera's memory card.
Which of course I reformatted. Yes of course. I reformatted it.
I told Macguffin he could erase all the photos off the computer thinking they were saved in the program. All my vacation photos, nature photos, kids, dogs.... AAAAAA!!!

Yep, Smooth


I have done alot of stupid things. This rates up there with the time I gave my Beagle a whole pack of bubblegum and then had to manually extract a bubblegum brick out of her butt...

I feel sick

I tried dancing to deathmetal once. It hurt

One of our barstools broke. I am not torn up about this I must confess. They haven't really been my thing. Macguffin bought them when he retired some he have pilfered from his mom's house. They are really modern and retro. I like the style, I just didn't think it suited our house. Macguffin and I differed on this opinion, but I didn't try to completely poo- poo his buy either.
But.... when one became to gimpy to sit on, I wasn't actually heart broken :)
Anyways, I digress. Macguffin decided to buy some new stools that I liked from the potterybarn. He wanted to call his potterybarn card and check his account balance and of course got the automated bitch that doesn't recognize language.
The next thing I know, I hear him yelling "I PUSHED (1) POR FAVOR"!!!!!!
and having a nervous breakdown because this bitch won't give him what he's asking for.
Finally he gets to the right menu and hangs up the phone.
God bless modern technology! We got the stools ordered. YAY!

Boo also had a doctor's appointment today so then I rushed off to do that. While were in the waiting room, I excuse me myself to the restroom. When I come back, I have 3 missed calls. The funny thing is, is they're from What a Crock. So I call her back and she answers first ring. She asks me "Were you at"? "I am in Texas, where are you"?
Puzzled for a second, she then realizes her mistake. "OH, shit. I called the wrong Danielle"...
We laughed and she said well "I guess you can't give me a ride to work"!
Sorry Crocky... I had to give you hell. You know I lub ya! ;*O
Then, I go back to waiting for this damn doctor. We wait 2 hours and finally he calls us back. We wait another 30 minutes in his office. He comes in all smiling, cracking jokes that were not the least bit funny."I haven't had a pretty girl in here for 672 days, hahaha". Bleh...
We ruined his day shortly there after when Boo refused to get a pap smear from him. He got pissy, and huffed off somewhere so that we could vacate his office. What a douche..
I guess he doesn't understand modest 15 year olds. Or maybe there isn't such a thing anymore? Feeling kind of bad for her embarrasment I took her to her favorite chinese restaurant for some killer fried rice.

Boo's fortune of the day- "Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today"

When do you kiss an elephant on the lips any day?
Who makes up this crap?
Well, I am off to work, to stare at my desk. Or perhaps to get some writing done. I am trying to move this block. Perhaps if even a little.

The Princess of Darkness presents"Flowers!!"

French Hollyhock


"Fly" on French Hollyhock. Can you see him?


Chinese Pistache at sunset


Oleander Buds about to burst


Nandina Buds



Ok see, I actually go around and take pictures of beautiful things. I will spare you the wrist slasher stuff. At least for today.....


But tomorrow, Muahahahaha...---------->(That's diabolical laughter in case you didn't know)
:-O

The Praetorian

Mother told me I wasn't good
for anything
A cold expression and a chip
holding me down
A putrid maggot ridden waste
of puke
A mercenary of epic proportions
you could say
If worthiness were an accolode
I'd surely fall wayside
I know what your thinking
but it isn't true
This is simply why I
do what I do
Don't count your
blessings yet
i am surely on your
tail
For I am the Praetorian
who shall gaineth all.




Just in case your wondering, I didn't write this about myself. It is actually written about someone from the past that I knew. It kind of sucks, so I am sorry. I am in a bit of a block right now. I just hope it clears up before my turn in the Experiment

Sicky Poo

I haven't been feeling too well, so I spent the whole weekend in the bed. I actually slept 24 hours straight through. That is my new personal record. I will be reading all your lovely blogs as soon as I can.

I've got's lots a stuff in my head, but ma fingers ain't walking yet. Soon, Very soon...


I just had to add this video. This is Boo aggrevating Sadie and Mac. One of these days we will get Sadie to speak engish.

Meme this you Bastard

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

(1) What Greg Likes
(2) A Blog of a Good Time
(3) Wine When Drunk From a Mug
(4) Dear Bastards...
(5) Random Bullarcky

Select five people to tag:
1)Etain
2)Pookie
3)Topcat
4)Big Pissy
5)Jay

What were you doing 1 year ago?

Having the worst time of my life.

Five snacks you enjoy:

1) Popcorn. Seriously the perfect food. Well except for the aftermath they leave in your gums
2) Lay's potato chips. Straight up
3) Those sweet and salty granola bars
4) Fruit?
5) I'm really not a snacker so this is hard for me to do. I am more of a full meal eater

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:

1) Muscle Museum- Muse
2) Do Me a Favour- Artic Monkeys
3) Lounge Act- Nirvana
4) Polly- Nirvana
5) Fine Again- Seether

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1) Quit my job
2) Go back to school
3) Send my kids to the best colleges
4) Move out of Texas
5) Travel more

Five things you like doing:

1) Writing anything
2) Taking pictures
3) Watching movies
4) Sleeping (Watching Pundits flap their gums all night with Macguff)
5) Sleeping or (hitting myself with a tube sock full of lollipops)

Five things you would never wear again:

1) Shirts too big and my pants too tight
2) High rise jeans
3) Platform boots
4) My hooters outfit JK
5) A tube top

Five favorite toys:

1) Sadie
2) Mac
3) Lacy
4) Nietzsche
5) The Elmo's

Ode to Adult Diapers

My baby sister dared me to write at least a 9 line verse about adult diapers. Apparently she is bored at the hospital today and wanted me to enlighten her with my skills.. Yeah right
Ok, It is a silly but I am up for it :)

Adult diapers are fun
Adult diapers are keen
I can sit here at my desk
and pee, pee, pee

Never lift a finger
Never lift a toe
Just sit here at my post
and let the river flow

Call me a little lazy
Call me what you will
If the sagging don't get ya
I bet the stinking will ;)

*Yuck Yuck*

Anxiety

I have alot of it. Awake at night gasping for air, heart pounding, sweating. Oh sweet anxiety. I am anxious now because I haven't taken any new pictures in a few days, as if that is the end all, be all of humanity. I haven't been writting as much so I stress over that. The dog looked at me funny. Oh, here we go again...
I actually fell asleep at 5:30 last night. Not A.M., P.M. and I actually stayed there all night.

I was in such a hurry to grow up and now I wish I could go back. Being an adult isn't quite as much fun as I thought it would be.
The anxiety over all these inconsequential things I fear is a mask for the deeper issues at hand....

And By the Way Mom....

Last night at 10:30 my boy confesses all.

"Mom, you know earlier when my friends were here skating"?
(all 8 of them)

"Yes baby"

"Well, you had a major wedgie"
"I mean your shirt was tucked waaaay into your butt crack"!



NOW he tells me this!

Oh sweet revenge.

He got roped in...

Just a quick one to let you know, my dear Macguffin is posting pictures of the love of his life, er, I mean his magnificent movie posters. I must say his collection is getting rather impressive. Soon he will charge me admission to view them! Just kidding.... dear.
At any rate, check 'em out and get your daily dose of vintage movie culture! Something we can all use in the days of (Shittheyturnoutandcallmoviesnow)

And, slowly I am adding to the Flickr ------> as seen to your right. Mostly vacation pics and such. I will be posting more as I get off my lazy duff and do it...

More Insight in to My Crazy Dreams

The sand is blowing with mighty force.
It creeps into every pore and crevice.
This sandy, salty feeling as I dump my shoe.
Bracing against a branch full of thorns as
another gust pushes me backwards.
Squinting at the sun as I wish for...
Clouds, thunder, death, elephant (ha, got you there)
Anything but this.
Lone, desolate isolation as I am banished to
this place.
Deserted land that stretches as far
as the eye can see.
Wiping the sweaty grit from my brow,
I amaze myself and pray;
to a higher power than I to remove
me from this place.
An unforseen force tightens my grip on the
the thorny limb.
The blood drops heavy to the ground.
Wincing, I ask again for rescue
from this desparate lonliness.
Nothing but silence now...
Looking left and right,
I finally look down upon my feet.
My shadow lingers there
puddled around my tattered shoes.
Suddenly it jumps up and grabs me by the neck
forcing me to the ground.


Ok, at this point, I think I woke up. If anyone wants to dream analyze this, be my guest. I have some severly strange dream encounters.

What an adventure and why Pia can go fuck herself..

I must say 10-12 hours of driving is a little bit different now as I get older. (I know I have alot to go) spare me the when your my age lecture. I am a whiner.

The drive there was really nice. Great weather and lots of pretty mountains and rolling hills. Upon arriving though, my bubble was burst as my dad pulls up at the house with "Pia" the wonder bitch he calls wife.
I could tell she was less than thrilled to see us, but like always, I figured she would warm up as the days progressed. Boy was I wrong.....
My brother arrived a couple hours after I did (with girlfriend Lisa and baby Ariel in tow). He got the same cold shoulder. I tried to make the best of it. When she cooked I offered to help, I did the dishes for her, and the kids set the table. All the things I think a good guest should do. My dad stayed busy up on the roof trying to fix a leak and cut down several branches blocking the driveway. Being the handy helpful guy he is. All should be good right? Ummm..... no.
A day and a half into the visit my dad asks my brother and my son to go shooting the gun with him. Seems harmless as long as my crazy son doesn't try to shoot himself in the face. It's a guys bonding think you know?
Not for "Pia". She flips the hell out. He is screaming and ranting that until dad puts her first and doesn't treat her like a slave then he can get out. A slave? Ok, she offered to cook. We cleaned it up for her, dad fixed the roof so she didn't get rain on her bitchy little head.... She even demanded he leave with her and leave us there to fend for ourselves. After I drive 800 miles and haven't seen him in 6 years.
What it comes down to, I figured is that she is threatened by anyone who even shows my dad the least bit of attention. Yes, insane...
She has worked him night and day for years, kept the money and now wants him to sell his own house so she can have the money. She is now dead to me, except for the nice letter I am writing her to rock her little world.
As I have pointed out before my dad is no angel. Far from it, but he has always done right by her. Always.
I do feel very guilty for past blogs, castrating him. For that dad, I am sorry. You have turned into this docile, sweet older man. It's time I cut you some slack. Ok, I said it. I was wrong about you.
I think she has beaten him down so far, he doesn't have it in himself to fight anymore. Poor guy.
She really knows how to show her ass. Good riddance...

The rest of the trip was good. I got to see lots of people, I hadn't in awhile, catch up on lives and throw a frisbee alot for an insane dog. Ahh...good times.
Thank you for everone who made me feel so welcome, loved and missed dearly. You all make me complete. If it weren't for family and friends, I wouldn't be such a well adjusted loveable creature thatI am today. (Stop laughing)
It is great to be home though. I am tired but it was well worth the journey to learn so much about this big ol' world.

Some Random Photos from the Trip

Breath taking Valley of Fire (N.M.)




Highly illegal to steal rocks from here. I am not sure how they got in the trunk.Hmmm... Big mystery?




Turquoise Sky (N.M.)



Twin Pines. This is the house I grew up in



My first Teddybear




My dad's best friend "Scout"




Quite possibly the sweetest cat ever (Sweet Pea)




My very own playhouse as a child





Zoey, The Frisbee Dog. "Obsessed" with frisbee wouldn't quite cover it entirely.