Jun 13, 2007

Anxiety

I have alot of it. Awake at night gasping for air, heart pounding, sweating. Oh sweet anxiety. I am anxious now because I haven't taken any new pictures in a few days, as if that is the end all, be all of humanity. I haven't been writting as much so I stress over that. The dog looked at me funny. Oh, here we go again...
I actually fell asleep at 5:30 last night. Not A.M., P.M. and I actually stayed there all night.

I was in such a hurry to grow up and now I wish I could go back. Being an adult isn't quite as much fun as I thought it would be.
The anxiety over all these inconsequential things I fear is a mask for the deeper issues at hand....

22 comments:

Jay said...

I've been lucky, I might be a manic depressive and have certain OCD tendencies and some good old fashion self-loathing problems, but I don't have anxiety attacks.

Being an adult does suck most of the time though.

Anonymous said...

Sure does. Sorry you had another bad night honey.

Paul Champagne said...

For those nights where your mind can't stop ... Ambien will knock you out. Don't get the Ambien CR, the regular 10mg pills work best. See your doctor.

Brought to you by ... Sanofi-Aventis.

captain corky said...

Anxiety is rough. I feel very anxious lately and I couldn't imagine feeling this way all the time. I'm sorry you're not feeling good.

Blancodeviosa said...

macguffin- i seriously think it's the pain pills. i am itchy and pulling my nose off too. i may be nose less by the end of the day!


jay- guess it lends to my nutty goodness.

paul- just as long as you don't e-mail me with male enhancement drugs we will be alright.

corky- you have good reason. babies are scary stuff

In Ink said...

Sweet anxiety. I never thought of it like that before.

I've been treated for anxiety (panic attacks, call it what you will) on and off for about 18 years. When it started I was a little unnerved. OK, I thought I was about to die. For a while it became very debillitating, affecting everything I did. The doctor announced at various times that I was agoraphobic, claustrophobic, euphoric(!) until I decided that I must just be icky.

Over the years I've been prescribed anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and every other anti-head thing the doctor could find. An independent observer said the doctor's efforts to find a treatment seemed very much like watching a blind man playing darts.

In the end I just took myself off the pills and decided I wouldn't give a fuck about anything any more. I wouldn't worry about what people thought of me, I wouldn't worry about saying what was on my mind, in a nutshell, I wouldn't worry about just being me.

I've been fine ever since.

eric1313 said...

It is prefferable to stay young forever, but we lack that luxury. There always seems to be no time to do everything that needs to be done, and if the busness of life is taken care of, then there's a lack of time for personal growth and development. I hate balance, but its better to balance naturally, than balance gained by sniffing the empty Clonopin bottle!

Anonymous said...

I know the feeling of anxiety and it ain't fun.
I hope you can over this very quickly.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comments yesterday.
Sending you big HUGS
tc

Blancodeviosa said...

michael- wow, that is quite an ordeal. i am glad to have reclaimed your sanity (so to speak :) i am myself on here. if i acted this way in public i would spend alot more time in the nut house.

eric- oh yes i remember, sniff the empty clonopin bottle and shed a tear for the good ol' days (when the bottle was full)

cat- i am fine. i always am. just more vocal about things that perplex me. i am glad for them though because it makes me stronger and wiser as i overcome them :)
thank you for all the support, you are so kind

Harmony said...

hi buddy,
well i think you should not be anxious..specially at night..ha ha..

i think being an ADULT may be Fun also if you believe in yourself and live every Moment of life to its fullest..you can do whatever you wish to do..go wherever you wish to go..f'k anyone you like(oh thats teenagers can also do..),,i mean just chill and be happy dear..
GOD bless you.bye.

Harmony said...

oh yes thnx honey for including me LEGALLY in your friends list..with love..bye.

Blancodeviosa said...

pankaj- umm.. well if you think it's that simple, but as for me and my teens f*k random people isn't muy bueno

Blancodeviosa said...

and yes it's legal now. i charge by the day to be my friend.

ahahaha...jk

sorry, i suck

cathy said...

going by your dreams staying awake sounds like a good plan.

Paul Champagne said...

Do you want to add 4" to the size of your member?

I get about 10 of these a day ... if I took them all up on it, my shlong would wrap twice around the world.

Blancodeviosa said...

cathy- for sure. i am trying to decipher last night's. it was too surreal to explain. they are doozies..

paul- i get them too. adressed to me. i don't have a masculine name either. but apparently i am supposed to have a penis.

Anonymous said...

Are the girls making fun of me again?

Blancodeviosa said...

no honey, i beat them

Drizel said...

I also get the anxiety if i dont write.....breathe chicky, as long as your soul is young, the outer layer does not matter:)

Blancodeviosa said...

etain- yes, i try not to forget to breathe. very important!
my outer layer is screaming for moisterizer

Nikki Neurotic said...

I hope whatever is stressing you out so much resolves itself soon.

Blancodeviosa said...

thank you silver :)